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by draculard



Category: Batgirl (Comics)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Masturbation, Non-Consensual Oral Sex, Paralysis, Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape Fantasy, Submissive Barbara Gordon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-05
Updated: 2019-04-05
Packaged: 2020-01-05 05:16:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18359360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/draculard/pseuds/draculard
Summary: Barbara has never been an ordinary victim.





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Barbara can’t help but remember how helpless she felt with that bullet lodged in her spine, unable to move as Joker undressed her. Even when she’s made a full recovery, it lodges in her mind and repeats itself until she feels she might go insane.

It’s always there — when she’s trying to sleep, when she’s working, when she’s in the middle of a battle. She can hear his high laugh piercing her brain. She can feel his fingers running down the line of her abdomen, dry and cold. 

Barbara isn’t a normal victim. She knows this; it’s part of the job. Batgirl can’t be bothered by the things she’s seen, by the villains who have hurt her, by the memory of a man who leaned over her on the floor of her own apartment, his lips stretched wide in a smile.

Sometimes she wishes she could react the way other victims do — with fear, with disgust, with aversion. But she can’t. 

She sees him every time she closes her eyes, and it doesn’t repulse her. She feels his fingertips tracing down her skin and it doesn’t disgust her. She feels his weight against her body, and he’s cool to the touch and so, so thin, and it should scare her, but it doesn’t. 

It excites her.

When she lies in bed with Joker on her mind, she remembers the way he grabbed her hair and pulled her head back, the way he straddled her hips to get a closeup of her tears, the flash of a camera blinding her. And it excites her; there’s a tightness, a trembling between her legs, wetness pooling in her panties.

She remembers the sting of the bullet, the way the wound seemed to burn. How he dipped his fingers into it and made her lick away the blood. She couldn’t feel it when he pulled her jeans and underwear down, but she knew it was happening and now, years later, she slips a hand beneath the waistband of her pajama pants and strokes herself to the memory of it.

Part of her brain — the part that screams at her not to do this, not to think of the Joker like this — shuts off, leaving behind nothing but that memory, until all she can see is green hair and glinting eyes and his smile. Until all she can feel is his hands, impossibly strong, and his erection brushing against her as he removed her clothes.

She presses down on her clit; her back arches.

She shouldn’t be doing this. He’s leering at her behind her closed eyelids, and against every instinct she has, she’s turned on by it.

She wants him to hold her down. She wants him to violate her. To humiliate her.

She wants him to hurt her.

Barbara’s fingers dip inside her, where it’s so slick there’s no resistance. She grinds against her hand and works her clit and the whole time, in her mind’s eye, Joker is spreading her legs — and she can’t feel it — and his hands are leaving bruises on her thighs, and his tongue is lapping at her, and she can hear him laughing but she can’t feel a thing. 

_ Can you feel that? _ he’d asked her with his face buried between her legs. He’d looked up at her, seen the blank confusion on her face, and he’d held up his fingers and she saw that they were glistening with her cum.  _ You’re orgasming, _ he said. 

In the past, she couldn’t feel it.

In the present, she can. When it’s all over, and the tension has drained from her body, she lies there panting with her fingers wet with her own arousal. It sinks into her that she’s done it again; she’s twisted her own memory, masturbated to the worst moment in her life, turned it into something simultaneously better and worse than it was.

But she can’t bring herself to regret it. She just feels numb.


End file.
